Confused

Dear Typewriter,
Herschel has been trying to convince me that the lovely Dame Edna who lives in my television set is actually a man in women's clothing. I don't believe him, because men don't wear dresses and sexy pointed glasses. He is only jealous of our love.

Herschel does not have love in his life. He brings home a lot of women and has unprotected sex with them, but he was never able to get over the fact that every morning he wakes up to find them having relations with another man beside him in his bed. That man is Larry, our neighbour.

My doctor's appointment went well. I am 79 years old, but Dr. Goldman says I have the body of a 78 year-old and the mind of a 52 year-old who does a lot of drugs. However, he would not accept my urine sample. Since when is an eyedropper an unsuitable urine container? I am thinking of writing a letter to the board of medicine about this travesty.

Does anybody know how to use a Nintendo Wii? Herschel brought one home and I kept pressing buttons on the remote but was unable to change the channel. I asked him to do it for me, but he only looked at me and broke wind. Maybe it is not a TV channel super changer. I think tomorrow I will take it out to the lake and see if it is a fishing rod. I am very good at discovering technology. Ever since I figured out the mystery behind the electric pencil sharpener in a matter of mere weeks (spaghetti disposal unit), all of my friends have been coming to me for "technology assistance." That is the term the professionals use in the field. I will win against the Nintendo!

I must go now. There is a cat fighting a squirrel outside my window, and it is my duty to show them that it is wrong to raise a fist against one another.

A gutn tog,
Sol

P.S. Almost forgot my Torah! How was I expecting to teach those rodents anything without being able to show them the most important passages in writing? Oy vey!