Correspondence

Dear Typewriter,
Today I received a reply to one of my many fan letters to Dame Edna. Let me reprint some of it for you here:

"Mr. Schwartz,
It has recently been brought to our attention that your numerous letters to Mr. Humphries contain an overwhelming amount of disturbing sexual imagery and obsessive language. For the safety of Mr. Humphries and those around him, we request that you cease all contact with our client, written or otherwise, including matzo ball care packages and inappropriate photos of yourself in different yarmulkes."

Clearly Dame Edna is now practicing law and her client, one Mr. Humphries, has given her the address for the wrong Sol Schwartz. I shall write again to notify them of their mistake.

Herschel is angry with me for losing his Nintendo Wii. I offered to buy him a new 8 track player but he says it is not the same. How many tracks does the Nintendo play? I will go to Wal-Mart tomorrow and ask if they have a 10 or 11 track player. I don't like when Herschel is angry. He makes gross faces and salivates a lot. Maybe I will ask Wal-Mart if he has rabies, too.

I also had an eye examination earlier this week, but am not allowed back because Dr. Bernstein's eye chart spells "your wife is cheating on you", and when he asked me to read it I accidentally said "rife" instead of "wife". He is a real akshn about proper pronunciation.

I have to go now, as I have just played a recording of someone ringing my doorbell, and I must check to make sure someone didn't ring my doorbell for real at the exact same moment.

-Sol